Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
