I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
