Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You made out with two different species that night
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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