Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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