there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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