I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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