Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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