i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
