I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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