Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
