i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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