I just threw up on my dentist
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
