Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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