she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
