Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
