Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
pop tarts are not kleenex
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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