Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
