When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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