i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
