I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize