Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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