she kept yelling 'call me bella'
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
