Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
