Michael Bay diarrhea
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
