I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
