Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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