I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
