i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
is that a dick in a sweater?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
