Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
