so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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