OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize