it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
