Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
