The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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