also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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