she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
