Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
