the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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