I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
