Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
