I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
