I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
All I want is dick and wine.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
