Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
