we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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