I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
