he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
