I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
