Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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