he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
