I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
