apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
