Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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