Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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