Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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