So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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