I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
