girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Semen is not good for contacts.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
