You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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