Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
