Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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