The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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