I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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